What to do when the hater is actually you!

What to do when the hater is actually you!

Over the past year I’ve been coaching authentic and ethical communication to women to help them advance in their careers. Typically a client discovers new ways to grow resilience with difficult conversations and help them meet their own needs of self care. And I challenge them to keep their feminine expressions especially when communicating with men. The common mistake for many career driven females is they become apart of the boys club. This means that instead of helping other women in the work place, they deflate them instead.

One of the most common misconceptions shared by clients is they have more haters when they remain feminine. The haters judge or criticise them at work. And its usually the presence of these haters that causes them to quit working on their business idea, or they leave that job for another one. All because this criticism makes them feel self conscious and leads them to doubt their own decisions and self worth. So that’s why many join the boys club – because they feel it’s easier to fit in.

But when we dive deep into the hater scenario, I always ask the question “Why does it bother you what other people think?” Because truly we have to stand in our own power of conviction and realise it doesn’t matter what others think. What really matters what you think of yourself. And quite often when we look deep within, the hater is actually you.


When the Hater is You

Ever had that voice inside your head that completely puts you down. In fact it’s so loud, you begin to believe it’s true. It’s mental chatter of not feeling good enough, that steals your confidence. You might catch yourself with accusatory or negative comments that pushes you into stress-mode.

The challenge here is to learn to identify, challenge and disprove these negative thoughts and replace the voice in your mind with supportive, positive and compassionate thoughts.

End negative self talk boost positivity

For the next 10 days, use these 5 solutions to overcome negative inner conversations and boost positivity towards greater success and happiness:


#1 Be aware of your mental script

Become aware of the phrases that you hear the most in your mind. Do you engage in self name calling– like telling yourself you’re an idiot? And what’s the tone you hear? Is it pleasant or nasty and vindictive?


#2 Challenge your thoughts

When you catch each phrase ask yourself: Is it true? And be completely honest with yourself.


#3 Deny the inner commentary

Expose the lies by finding contrary evidence. For example, I’m not good enough – find memories in your life where you were brilliant at something or your job.


#4 Replace lies with the truth

Catch each negative phrase and switch them to words of encouragement that are positive and truthful. Create a personal success mantra that is a truthful and positive affirmation about yourself.

#5 Prove your case

Use your talents and abilities to affirm your power in way that is meaningful and positive to you.

When you break the habit of the negative internal dialogue, you automatically catch yourself being self-critical. You naturally flip the negative thought into a positive and compassionate one. By the end of this exercise, you will also see that your so called haters may also become more compassionate towards you as well. When we truly love ourselves, so does the world.

Words by Caria Watt 2017
Original image courtesy of Splash