03 Sep 5 Signs of the Narcissist and how to get out now!
DO YOU STAY OR WALK AWAY?
In every home you will find social catch-ups are always held in the kitchen. It’s the place that brings people together. This mutual space is where you make a cup of coffee and discuss topics that matter the most. You share ideas, moments of joy and the occasional heartache. But when you do put the kettle on, isn’t it poor manners to make yourself a coffee, without offering one to your house mate?
At work, when you offer to make a colleague a cup, you’re instantly recognised as a team player. A person who is highly regarded. So how do you cope when you’re the only one making coffee at home for everyone else?
Does this make you feel overly sensitive? After all it’s only a cup of coffee. Or are you making excuses for other peoples bad behaviour? On reflection, there may be lots of things you do that isn’t reciprocated. Such as organising a night out with a friend to have them cancel at the last minute.
Are you being a slave to their cause? Do you recognise a trend? If you do, here are some key tips to help stop the nonsense:
THE POWER PLAY OF a NARCISSIST.
When the light goes on and you finally wake up to people who don’t care, can be daunting. This is where you need to take all emotion out of the situation, and realise this a power play for them. Some don’t even realise they are doing it. Narcissists are quite charming. Everyone seems to think so. But when you look you closely, you can see the narcissist ‘ego’ revealing high levels of self-esteem, grandiosity, self-focus and self-importance.
They believe they’re more physically attractive and/or intelligent than just about everyone. And they often feel rage when told they aren’t beautiful or brilliant, but aren’t affected much if told they’re complete jerks.
Narcissism is a stable trait that varies from person to person. Some aspects, including confidence and self-sufficiency, can be healthy and adaptive. It’s only at the extreme end of the spectrum that narcissism becomes a disorder, often because toxic levels of vanity, entitlement and exploitation are on display.
Few people are able to resist a narcissist, especially when they turn on their charm. You may feel foolish for having trusted such a person, but you must understand – this is what they do best. Narcissists use people. They twist, manipulate and compromise until they get what they want.
#1 HOW DOES it END?
You can be unceremoniously dumped. Someone better comes along. Your bank account is empty. You no longer laugh convincingly when they say something funny. You’re so drained you can’t jump when the narcissist wants you to. Maybe you became needy in some way. The narcissist simply finds someone else to use. They lack empathy.
#2 REALISE the TRUTH.
It’s one-sided. You gave, and didn’t receive. In fact you gave all the time and usually it was inconvenient, but you gladly dropped everything to help them out. It’s at the point where you want out. But the narcissist cries, accuses, pleads, threatens, manipulates or pretends not to care.
Eventually the narcissist is gone. However it ends, puzzling feelings begin to flood through your body.
#3 YOU feel EMPTY.
Narcissists are consuming people. They take up time and energy. But they also provide a sense of thrill and purpose. This is what they give in the relationship. Like a drug, they become addictive. Nothing’s the same without them because you miss the drama and the high. They never take on board anything you say. So you need to stop talking. And see where their attention lies when you are quiet.
#4 REALISE THE HIGH CAME from YOU.
That’s why you’re drained. The narcissist gave you nothing. You felt good in their presence because of what was happening within you. The energy and excitement came at your expense. Like a parasite, the narcissist gave just enough back to keep you giving more.
#5 YOU MAY feel AFRAID.
The narcissist probably knows a lot about you, enough to hurt you. Will they use it against you in some way? Maybe. Narcissists are ruthless and cruel. If they think they’ll gain something from your pain, even amusement, they will cause it. But you will survive the damage. Just keep going and move on.
Or move out. There’s nothing more satisfying than sharing your life with like minded individuals that elevate your soul. Even if it’s to make a cup of coffee for each other.
words by Caria Watt
photo courtesy of John Hain 2017